Thursday, January 22, 2009

like a sour apple sucker droped to the ground...

I spent the evening reading over old writings from school and my word file back ups of my old blog on yahoo 360. In one post i mentioned having a bad attitude one like a sour apple sucker dropped to the ground. I have noticed i have been like that lately, not pushing through my thoughts and emotions the way i should be, and being very negative. Not all the time, in fact I am far from the point I was nearly 4 years ago when i wrote that blog, I am happier, stronger, but i have my moments and my days when that whoa is me feeling creeps upon me and shadows the light i am called to shine. It happens. Life is hard sometimes. Remembering is hard. Today was hard. It is difficult to be exposed to so much violence and memories like i was today while watching the movie "Where the Day Takes You" about runaways in the streets of California. right after discussing rape as a tactic of war in the DRC and the rape instances in the bible of Tamar, and the concubine, the sacrifice of a virgin daughter etc. (Theology of Christian Feminism) Tough day. Earlier this week i met with my prof. for child welfare looking for answers, i didn't get any, but had a lot of my questions and thoughts validated. It hurts to love people... to worry and pray and talk and cry and hold people, but it is so necessary and so wonderful at the same time. Please keep my girls in your prayers, they are having a rough time now, risidual effects from the past traumas. I don't know what else to do.

An old answer to a question:

"Why do I get so attached to babies? I know that I could never stop being with children, but it would be nice if i didn't get attached and just looked at it as a fun job to pass the time. But it is so much more. When you dance around the living room with a giggling toddler, rock back and forth in front of a window with an exhausted, teething newborn into the wee hours of the night, dose off in a rocking chair with a lap full of sisters, kiss boo-boos, tie shoes, talk for hours about tough stuff with pre-teans while lounging on noodles in the back yard pool, how can you not involve your heart in some way? "

1 comment:

BoufMom9 said...

Good to recognize your faults and grow from them.

I also feel the same way about children (and babies). can't imagine my heart singing like it does without children in my life :)