Love…

I have been thinking a lot this weekend about love. The kind of love that makes a woman a mother as she pushes her child into the world. The kind of love that makes a person stay up all night to drive out to a hurting friend. The kind of love when someone lives on hospital food and sleeps on a waiting room chair just to spend as much time as possible comforting a loved one in the hospital. The kind of love that causes a parent to get up in the night with a scared or sick child. The kind of love that causes a pastor to pray for someone. The kind of love that a teacher shows when she will not let a student fail. The kind of love that is mittens to a homeless child and food to the orphans belly. The kind of love that causes strangers to share and pray for each other’s hurts in the blog world. The kind of love that is in a baby’s laughter and complete trust in his caregiver. The kind of love that is in answered and unanswered prayers.

Is it just me or have the last few years been absolutely crazy? The Sadness. The Joy. The Pain. The Fear. The Love.

Gabe, Stellan, Abby, Tripp, Julia, Harper, Hailee, Elianna, Isabella, Denise, etc…

Saturday morning I attended the funeral of Professor Mary DeYoung, “MDY” as she was known to her students. 58 years old, a short battle with cancer. A woman who loved. Deeply loved. Everyone.

Oh how i struggle with this daily… To love, and to let myself be loved… by others and by God. who are we to decide who gets love? Who are we to push away the love of others and deem ourselves unworthy?

We have left so much undone at the close of each day…

“Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done, and by what we have left undone. We have not loved you with our whole heart; we have not loved our neighbors [or] ourselves.”-CBP

Misc.

I have been thinking for a while on how exactly to blog this, The past few weeks have been good, but trying. I am drained, yet have kept up my spirits. I have been doing brave things, not everyday, like I am supposed to but I am getting better. During this time of *minor* stress there have been a couple of things that have really helped.

Walking Frally: Frally is my former RD's (Resident Director) dog. She is spunky and full of energy, she is still a puppy so is naughty, but doesn't care. She makes me smile and getting out in the cold, and sunshine helps me to think and unwind. I can walk off-campus and not be a college student for a little while. I can think about decicians I need to make outside, where I can't get emotional about them. I get to see JKK, who is such an inspiration to me.

LJ Sundays with J: Studying at Lemonjellos (LJs), a fair-trade local coffee shop, is good. Sipping a Chai Tea and listening to music, surrounded by people studying and conversing is good. It is almost holy, in a sense, it is community, which is what we are supposed to be as humankind. And J pretty much rocks, she is so strong and yet allows herself to be open, she listens well, and i have learned a lot from her.

Refocusing: Refocusing my attention on the task at hand has become easier. I am not dwelling on my thoughts and letting them overtake my mind. I am able remind myself when I get stuck in the "worst case senario" frame of mind, that the "what-ifs" are only ok , if a soultion is found quickly. I don't let the wheels keep turning for no reason as much anymore. And I am begining to trust more in myself that if the "worst case senario" happens, I am perfectly capable of figuring out the soultion when and if it happens.

Dancing: We dance in my cottage. It is good. If you drive/walk by at night you might see us. Please don't make fun of us if you do.

"Dancing is the perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire." ~Author Unknown
"Stifling an urge to dance is bad for your health - it rusts your spirit and your hips." ~Adabella Radici


Overall I have been more adventurous, trying new Chai Tea drinks, going to the SAC movies, listening, paying attention to the little things, connecting, pondering on a new level. I am realizing what it means to be a child of Hope and what "Growing World Christians in the Soil of Hope" means. I am getting old. Please pray for me.

Never Again

**** found on the internet years ago***

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on "I can't," because the Word says: "I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on fear, because the Word says: "God has not given me a spirit of fear, but one of power, love and a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on doubt and a lack of faith, because the Word says: "God has dealt to each one [every person] a measure of faith." (Romans 12:3)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on weakness, because the Word says: "The Lord is the strength of My life" (Psalm 27:1) and "The people that know their God shall be strong and carry out great exploits." (Daniel 11:32)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on the supremacy of Satan over my life, because the Word says: "Greater is He that is within me than he that is in the world." (1 John 4:4)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on defeat, because the Word says: "God always causes me to triumph in Jesus Christ." (2 Corinthians 2:14)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on a lack of wisdom, because the Word says: "Christ Jesus has become for me wisdom from God." (1 Corinthians 1:30) and "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." (James 1:5)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on sickness, because the Word says: "With His stripes I am healed." (Isaiah 53:5) and Jesus "Himself took my infirmities and bore my sickness." (Matthew 8:17)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on bondage, because the Word says: "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." (2 Corinthians 3:17) and "My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit." (1 Corinthians 6:19)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on worries and frustration, because the Word says: I am "Casting all my cares upon Him who cares for me." (1 Peter 5:7)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on condemnation, because the Word says: "There is now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1) I am in Christ, so therefore I am free from condemnation!

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on loneliness, because the Word says: Jesus said, "I am with you always, even till the end of the age [forever]." (Matthew 28:20) and "I will never leave you, nor forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on curses or bad luck, because the Word says: "Christ has redeemed me from the curse of the Law, being made a curse for me: that the blessings of Abraham might come upon the gentiles [that's me] through Jesus Christ: That we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith." (Galatians 3:13-14)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on discontent, because the Word says: "I have learned in whatever state (circumstances) I am, to be content." (Philippians 4:11)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on unworthiness, because the Word says: "He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." (2 Corinthians 5:21)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on confusion, because the Word says: "God is not the author of confusion, but of peace." (1 Corinthians 14:33) and "We have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God." (1 Corinthians 2:12)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on persecution, because the Word says: "If God be for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on the domination of sin over my life, because the Word says: "The law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death." (Romans 8:2)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on insecurity, because the Word says: "When you lie down, you will not be afraid; Yes, you will lie down and your sleep will be sweet. Do not be afraid of sudden terror, Nor of trouble from the wicked when it comes; For the LORD will be your confidence, And will keep your foot from being caught." (Proverbs 3:24-26)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on failure, because the Word says: "In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." (Romans 8:37)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on frustration, because the Word says: "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." (Isaiah 26:3)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on fear of the future, because the Word says: "As it is written: "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him." But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit." (1 Cor 2:9-10)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on troubles, because the Word says: Jesus said, "In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

Last week of Classes

How i wish i liked coffee... this is gonna be a looooooooooooooong week!

I recently read this in a book and thought I would share....

If God is all good, all wise, and all powerful, then, "all things work together for good" (Rom 8:28) even the most inexplicable sufferings. For if God is all good, never our harm; and if God is all wise, he never errs about what our true good is; and if God is all powerful, he accomplishes all that He wills, there can be neither indifference, nor ignorance, nor impotence in God -- the only escape clause from all things working together for our own good is our own free-choice to reject and depart from His will... not everything that happens is good in itself, but everything that happens "works for" our good. If he can work the greatest evil, the cruisifuction, for greatest good of all, our salvation, He can certainly work lesser evils for lesser goods... The pain in nessessary, though we do not understand why... Usually it is God's goodness and love we doubt since we know deep down that we do not deserve the love of a perfect being.

Peace and joy to you all in this season of remembering, loving, and cherishing...

Tulog na...

I am learning to be grateful for the down times as well as the up times, because well, it seems i can never get more than a week at a time "up"

today was a down day...

• i was sleepy and forgot to do an assignment that was due in my 8:00 class.


• i was sleepy and did not get my participation points


• i was sleepy and had a meeting with my advisor


• i was sleepy and was not patient with the kids at work :(


• Lunch and dinner were yucky

but...

• I got a lot of opportunities to pray


• I carved out some time to play the piano :)


• Jonet sang one of our old songs together from back in the day when we led worship at church

In the "down" times i get to remember with both joy and sorrow. I get to reach out to God and others. I am reminded of what it means to be broken and not get it right, and most of all I have the chance to reconnect with The One who gives life.

Belonging...

"Lord, you make me feel both immensely strong

and

vulnerably weak all at the same time"

I am in love with Hope College, hear me right now I am in love with Hope, the place, but still not exactly warmed up to the idea of college as a whole. It has been a trying week and I am glad for the sun's gentle rays streaming through the window. It has taken me a while to comprehend that I do belong here. I had to hear that i was a child of Hope from so many different angles, but i am finally owning that I belong here.

I have so many relationships here and am developing new ones every day. I am speaking to complete strangers, but then again we complete strangers with a common bond -- our journeys brought us here.

As I enter the grand and glorious age of 20, i am trying to focus on journeying authentically, being fully present, respecting creation, and respecting other people's choices even if i don't agree with them. I am facing my issues with accepting Grace, accepting that who i am is enough, because who God is is enough.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart...Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many...Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it...May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." ~Hebrews 12-13 snippets.

As Trygve said... "and I think that's Sexy"