Labor support

Love, like

Angels singing is

Breaking through.

Our hands supporting, waiting

Reaching out

Safely
Understanding
Praying
Protecting
Open
Respecting
The power of birth

Moon dance... (A poem)

I am fantastically overwhelmed
                                 All in
      placing all my chips on the table
   It is an awkward dance
                stumbly,
                       bumbly
like hippos
      mimicking cranes.
Powerful emotions
        tearing the heart into healing
                                                                     Messy
                                                Beautiful
                                                                       Love
Blue toes and pink cheeks
life sustaining thick pulsing cord
                                                           eyes lock all around the room
                                                                     speaking words that cannot be heard
                   he coughs
                  softly cries
                             laughter
and oh how my heart sings
                         

Someday...

Day Bath


Last night I walked him back and forth,
his small head heavy against my chest,
round eyes watching me in the dark,
his body a sandbag in my arms.
I longed for sleep but couldn't bear his crying
so bore him back and forth until the sun rose
and he slept. Now the doors are open,
noon sunlight coming in,
and I can see fuchsias opening.
Now we bathe. I hold him, the soap
makes our skins glide past each other.
I lay him wet on my thighs, his head on my knees,
his feet dancing against my chest,
and I rinse him, pouring water
from my cupped hand.
No matter how I feel, he's the same,
eyes expectant, mouth ready,
with his fat legs and arms,
his belly, his small solid back.
Last night I wanted nothing more
than to get him out of my arms.
Today he fits neatly
along the hollow my thighs make,
and with his fragrant skin against mine
I feel brash, like a sunflower.


~Debra Spencer from Pomegranate

good words...

On the day when

the weight deadens

on your shoulders

and you stumble,

may the clay dance

to balance you.

And when your eyes

freeze behind

the grey window

and the ghost of loss

gets in to you,

may a flock of colours,

indigo, red, green,

and azure blue

come to awaken in you

a meadow of delight.

When the canvas frays

in the currach of thought

and a stain of ocean

blackens beneath you,

may there come across the waters

a path of yellow moonlight

to bring you safely home.

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,

may the clarity of light be yours,

may the fluency of the ocean be yours,

may the protection of the ancestors be yours.

And so may a slow

wind work these words

of love around you,

an invisible cloak

to mind your life.

beannacht - john o'donohue

One...

Ask me what peace is and I will tell you

Peace is the Steady Beat hiding behind the whooshing sounds 

Peace is Faith beyond what the tests reveal

Peace is found in prayers full of tears 

Peace is the sound of that first squealing cry

Peace is in healing and heading home

Peace is Hope at each small twitch of little feet

Peace is the feeling of you in my arms for the first time

Peace is that sweet baby smell I can never seem to get enough of

Peace is the power of seeing you stand

Peace is the blessing of watching you grow

Peace is what I feel holding you tonight, 

one year later

bigger 

stronger

Peace is a toddler who rests deeply

unaware of the tears that glisten in sun-bleached hair

who still (barely) fits in my lap.

Happy Birthday Buddy! 

really, really, old poem

Nap-Time Silences
I find myself in envy of myself
A diamond in the mud
Or bullfrog
The slurp of the slop holding me down
I’m pressed
I think I know it all
I pretend
To love
To hate
To care
To not
Shadows of the past play hopscotch in my heart
I forgive
I never forget
I’m abused
Forsaken
Spoiled by my own intent
I’m mean
An undeserving child of the king
Too nice
Too smart
Too dumb
Too obscene
They come to me -- the children
To ring my body dry
A dirty dishrag, the song explains
Is always chosen last
They pinch
They fight
They slime
They snot
They puke
They pull
But their cuddles solve a lot
I get angry
When I shouldn’t
And not enough
My brain has been patty caked away
And summer is left to start
My thoughts are playdoh in their hands
My dreams the sand between their toes
Surrounded yet I feel so alone
The princess has her sister, her friends, and her love
The queen upon her throne
I, the ugly step sister wait in the chamber to be summoned alone
The spider knows my fear
I want
I need
The key word in my plans
I know nothing about
I wait for fulfillment
Hark -- a song I must sing along
No matter the lies it tells
A lullaby without words will send us all to hell
It’s a sin to seek your future
From the devils luring lair
A desert mile, a mountain steep
Tempt me to follow suit
A thousand miles or only two,
It’s all the same to me
Waiting for my prince charming
To come for ME
But Lord knows the Prince of Peace will do

old poem

I shall become even more undignified than this

I write ugly

Casting pearls before swine

Terrorizing the clean lines with scrawls of pathetic expressions

It’s not Brave

Bravery is the tattoo I wear, mostly hidden from sight

It’s not Peace

Peace is the power of a newborn baby’s even breath as it lies across my chest

I’m not Safe

Safety is being able to control tears

Sometimes in the day and always at night I don't think I can keep on pretending

Wheeeee!

The porch, the car, the drive,

It has burnt to the butt of once was, and is now

A hole in the pack

I Miss

Everyone and everything…

Pastor Brian’s silliness, Laughter at church, the sound of the praise band,

Roar!

The past

You are MEAN!

Jonet’s preaching again

I prophecy Fear

Fear is Nothing

Ugggg!

The kids

Meijer at 2 am

Our God is soooo good

“We must live beautifully”

Life goes on

No matter where you go or who you are with

Time is the enemy and your best friend.

Dance in the living room

Dance in the rain

My Hips Sure Lie

Live out Loud

Playing Cranium

Fall in holes

Capture the flag

I Lost

Something you took for granted

Thinking it would always be there

Standing up for what is right

Shhhhh!

The quiet

The noise

The clacking of computer keys

Pretend to be asleep because you don’t know what to say

The silent tears fall across the room,

Crash!

Make the break

Run in your cap and gown on Graduation Day.

Boo!

A real life scare-dee cat.

Writing what is important

What is right

What is all or nothing

May His name be blessed and magnified

Goodbye!

Faith and Friends

“At the edge of the earth, where dust and sea mingle in muddy mire tapering into cool clear waters. This is where I stand. Broken. Torn and bleeding from the voyage to this place. Tear stained cheeks, eyes dry and red from the journey. Joyful I arrive at this place, contemplative and assured, of if not who I am, where I come from, and who I am in Him. My feet caked with dirt but on the horizon I see the lucid waters within reach. The music swells and I am there…”

Today was a good day... I finished a 10 page paper (the begining of which is above) took a nap, finished off my field placement, played Apples to Apples for two hours with good friends. and saw jes! what could be better? Well you know except for the Philippines, babies, and Jesus...