Love…

I have been thinking a lot this weekend about love. The kind of love that makes a woman a mother as she pushes her child into the world. The kind of love that makes a person stay up all night to drive out to a hurting friend. The kind of love when someone lives on hospital food and sleeps on a waiting room chair just to spend as much time as possible comforting a loved one in the hospital. The kind of love that causes a parent to get up in the night with a scared or sick child. The kind of love that causes a pastor to pray for someone. The kind of love that a teacher shows when she will not let a student fail. The kind of love that is mittens to a homeless child and food to the orphans belly. The kind of love that causes strangers to share and pray for each other’s hurts in the blog world. The kind of love that is in a baby’s laughter and complete trust in his caregiver. The kind of love that is in answered and unanswered prayers.

Is it just me or have the last few years been absolutely crazy? The Sadness. The Joy. The Pain. The Fear. The Love.

Gabe, Stellan, Abby, Tripp, Julia, Harper, Hailee, Elianna, Isabella, Denise, etc…

Saturday morning I attended the funeral of Professor Mary DeYoung, “MDY” as she was known to her students. 58 years old, a short battle with cancer. A woman who loved. Deeply loved. Everyone.

Oh how i struggle with this daily… To love, and to let myself be loved… by others and by God. who are we to decide who gets love? Who are we to push away the love of others and deem ourselves unworthy?

We have left so much undone at the close of each day…

“Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done, and by what we have left undone. We have not loved you with our whole heart; we have not loved our neighbors [or] ourselves.”-CBP

From Prayer wall to arms…

 

 

List lady Katie’s baby spent some time at my house today. he got lots of lovin’ and snuggles!

Did some cheering for the Dutchmen!

 

    

 

and made my heart happy :)

 

Thank you Katie!

 

Untitled…

Broken and Beautiful…

My heart is broken and restored at the same time…

The Lord has given life to a sweet little boy on this day of Peace. Strong lungs and a thick head of hair. Ready to face surgery tomorrow to repair a hole in his spine

but….

I cannot find the peace in the reunification of a baby, who was abandoned at the hospital, nameless, motherless,

Who became loved, named and cherished

   

Is going to live with the very one who left her…

tomorrow…

forgiveness is hard sometimes….

peace is hard sometimes….

Lord Bless, Isabella Esperanza Maria

Continue to be our “oath and hope in this sea of bitterness”

No More…

No More Orphans

No More Abuse and Neglect

No More Poverty

No more Struggles

No More Cancer

Be careful what you pray for…

“Lord Let my heart be troubled by the things that trouble you…”

you may never sleep again without being haunted by dreams….

Most pics mine... first 2 by : http://brittanystrebeckblog.com/

Please Pray!

http://mycharmingkids.net

From MckMama's blog:

Our little trooper tolerated massive stretches of SVT for hours and hours upon end before finally hitting the wall in the early hours of the morning today.



We've seen Stellan this bad once before. It's heartbreaking. He's still in SVT and is pale and kind of dusky in color, listless, can't focus on anything or stay awake, has thready pulses and a bit of edema, cold extremities, low blood pressures, is clammy, has a low core body temp and his nurse can't get an underarm temp for him at all right now. My sister is here with us right now and she's holding Stellan.

The experimental drug plan has been kicked to the curb. Dr. B ordered the "new" med that Stellan started on Friday to be discontinued immediately. An iv drip of a beta blocker that Stellan has been on before back in March and April has been started now instead, to try to get Stellan's heart and body out of immediate danger. He's still in SVT and things have started to go downhill quickly as noted by his appearance and symptoms.

As far as what the plan will be if and when the iv beta blocker gets Stellan's SVT under control, time will tell, I guess. For now, it's one baby step at a time for our sweet little baby. This is just so hard for our family, you guys, I am having a hard time explaining it.

Sweet baby boy...

Stellan has surgery in a few hours.
A dangerous ablation on his tiny heart to help with his SVT.

Oh LORD, hear our prayer

Please...

Thankful Thursday: for the Life of...

Stephin Joseph Saenz-O'Brien

July 22, 2003 - April 04, 2009


With Hope (SCC)

This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you've gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but ...

We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope
(There's a place by God's grace)
There's a place where we'll see your face again
We'll see your face again

And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God's plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father's smile and say well done
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
'Cause now you're home
And now you're free, and ...

We have this hope as an anchor
'Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so ...

So we can cry with hope
And say goodbye with hope

We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope

Yours (SCC)

I walk the streets of London
And notice in the faces passing by
Somthing that makes me stop and listen
My heart grows heavy with the cry

Where is the hope for London?
You whisper and my heart begins to soar
As I'm reminded
That every street in London in Yours
Oh, yes it is

I walk the dirt roads of Uganda
I see the scars that war has left behind
Hope like the sun is fading
They're waiting for a cure no one can find

And I hear children's voices singing
Of a God who heals and rescues and restores
And I'm reminded
That every child in Africa is Yours

And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
You're the Maker and Keeper, Father and Ruler of everything
It's all Yours

And I walk the sidewalks of Nashville
Like Singapore, Manila and Shanghai
I rush by the beggar's hand and the wealthy man
And everywhere I look I realize

That just like the streets of London
For every man and woman, boy and girl
All of creation
This is our Father's world

And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
You're the Maker and Keeper, Father and Ruler of everything

It's all Yours, God
It's all Yours, God
It's all Yours, God
It's all Yours, God

The glory is Yours, God
All the honor is Yours, God
The power is Yours, God
The glory is Yours, God

You're the King of Kings
And Lord of Lords

And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
All the greatness and power, the glory and splendor and majesty
Everything is Yours
Yeah, it's all Yours
We are Yours
The glory and honor is Yours, everything is Yours

It's all Yours, God
My life is Yours, my heart is Yours
My hands and my feet are Yours
Every song that I sing
It's all Yours, all is Yours
All belongs to You
Our gifts are Yours, God
All our dreams are Yours, God
All our plans are Yours, God
The whole earth is Yours, God
Everything is Yours

Thankful Thursday Main Blog

Give and take... updated photo added

All of life is a gift:

dancing
singing
breathing
studying
playing
sleeping
painting
working
holding
loving
on
and
on ...

I think, that sometimes even the "taking" is really a giving...
We lose
friends
family
patience
relationships
doggies
babies
time

It is how we respond to these (see last post's video) that is the giving

Stefan, age 5 is with Jesus

Please keep the family in your prayers as they learn to live without their joy.

What do I know...

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

(CHORUS 2)
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?

SuperAbby

**Original Photo from Abby's Blog **

I wanted you to know about Abby.

She was adopted from Guatemala. At three years old, she was diagnosed with a high-risk, aggressive form of Leukemia. Certain genetic complications have put her chance of surviving the treatment at about 20%.

I am praying for her and her family. Would you pray for them too?

You can find more about Abby here, on her family blog:

http://www.riggsfamilyblog.com/2009/01/about-abby.html

Abby is a beautiful spunky four-year-old who is fighting cancer with a smile on her face, a dance in her feet and a light in her heart. please keep this family in your prayers and visit their blog

It's all Yours...

Take My Life (And Let It Be)

By Passion Worship Band

Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord, to thee.

Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise.

Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of thy love.

Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for thee.

Take my voice and let me sing always, only for my king.

Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from thee.

Take my silver and my gold not a might would I withhold.

Take my intellect and use every power as you choose.

Here am I, all of me.

Take my life, it's all for thee.

Take my will and make it Thine it shall be no longer mine.

Take my heart it is thine own; it shall be thy royal throne.

Take my love, my Lord I pour at your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be ever, only all for thee

Tuesday Fiona Whitt

October 11, 2006 - January 30, 2009

Grace...

I know You are in the midst... I feel Your presence... Your voice whispers...

yet

I don't understand

I don't see the greater good

I can't touch You

I just can't reach

You

Them

Me

yet

You are here

You are now

You have always been

Babies shouldn't suffer

Babies shouldn't feel pain

Babies shouldn't flutter away

too soon

too soon

too soon


Please keep Tuesday and her family and friends in your prayers.

Much rain is falling today...

Read

Oceans From The Rain Lyrics

here.

Stellan is ALIVE

Tuesday and Abby are fighting




Billy Gilman - There's A Hero (Official Music Video) - Awesome video clips here

like a sour apple sucker droped to the ground...

I spent the evening reading over old writings from school and my word file back ups of my old blog on yahoo 360. In one post i mentioned having a bad attitude one like a sour apple sucker dropped to the ground. I have noticed i have been like that lately, not pushing through my thoughts and emotions the way i should be, and being very negative. Not all the time, in fact I am far from the point I was nearly 4 years ago when i wrote that blog, I am happier, stronger, but i have my moments and my days when that whoa is me feeling creeps upon me and shadows the light i am called to shine. It happens. Life is hard sometimes. Remembering is hard. Today was hard. It is difficult to be exposed to so much violence and memories like i was today while watching the movie "Where the Day Takes You" about runaways in the streets of California. right after discussing rape as a tactic of war in the DRC and the rape instances in the bible of Tamar, and the concubine, the sacrifice of a virgin daughter etc. (Theology of Christian Feminism) Tough day. Earlier this week i met with my prof. for child welfare looking for answers, i didn't get any, but had a lot of my questions and thoughts validated. It hurts to love people... to worry and pray and talk and cry and hold people, but it is so necessary and so wonderful at the same time. Please keep my girls in your prayers, they are having a rough time now, risidual effects from the past traumas. I don't know what else to do.

An old answer to a question:


"Why do I get so attached to babies? I know that I could never stop being with children, but it would be nice if i didn't get attached and just looked at it as a fun job to pass the time. But it is so much more. When you dance around the living room with a giggling toddler, rock back and forth in front of a window with an exhausted, teething newborn into the wee hours of the night, dose off in a rocking chair with a lap full of sisters, kiss boo-boos, tie shoes, talk for hours about tough stuff with pre-teans while lounging on noodles in the back yard pool, how can you not involve your heart in some way? "

Reaching Out....

I am one of those people who is terrified of reaching out to others, to share with them my burdens, to ask for prayer for the "BIG" stuff, to be comfortable with shared knowledge. I am learning to be more aware, fully present, and patient. I am understanding that i may never understand, but am still capable of being there, here, separate, together, awake. And maybe, just maybe, some of the things i fear may happen are not as bad as i think they will be, not good, but good in the same sense.

Like unplanned pregnancies, babies born into less than "perfect" circumstances, I hope my attitudes about how things "should" be wouldn't hinder my relationship with the mother and child. that i could see that baby, and see good...

Or that maybe i would be able to cast aside my fears of getting close, or doing something wrong, saying something wrong, or not knowing what to do... i can still go and be there -- and pray, pray, pray...

wondering...

Community: a place where you live or something greater?

I was exposed to a community last night where i felt invited, loved, respected, and a sense of belonging

I was afraid because i have never had that before

and didn't know how to respond

or

how to keep it going

So there's this little girl and i kinda love her...

My sweet little sister Randee

***Please keep her in your prayers as she is having testing done on the lump on her thyroid next week***

Adoption Changes Everything!

Final Gathering

"Only you deserve my praise... Thank-you for reminding me of the "big picture" in the voices and eyes of the graduating seniors, in a time when i was letting the little things invade my life. You never fail me, even when i turn from you. You hold my life, my future, ours...in your hands. Holy, Holy, Holy are You Lord God Almighty, the whole earth is filled with Your glory!

Sometimes i wonder if maybe i only raise my hands down low in a "fill-me" position instead of up high and open in a "have-me" position is because i do not feel like i am enough for God to "have-me" or i am selfish... I am not too sure, but i noticed that tonight, i never raise my hands high... Grace is hard to accept sometimes...

This was the last Gathering for hundreds upon hundreds of men and women of God, I somehow can't shake the feeling that it may be my last too... i pray it isn't, but if it is, somehow...i think i may be able to make this one last.

Alone time...

I am really glad i stayed at Hope for spring break. I have had a lot of time to think and pray, relax and be productive. It is a nice introduction to the ripe old age of 20. Who am i as a 20 year old student, woman, sister, friend, cousin and child care provider? I am discovering more about that each day as i get braver and begin to own what it is to be Courtney Kay Blackwell.

I have also been thinking a lot about Christine McCarthy who is pregnant with her 4th little girl. her placenta implanted outside her uterus and she is in danger of delivering early, death for the baby, death for her. Please pray for a safe and healthy delivery for the baby and the mother and pray for her 3 daughters, Josie (5), Rachel (4), and Grace (2) and her amazing husband Kevin.

There are a lot of people in my life who are hurting right now, and a few young teenagers that i deeply care about that are going through some tough stuff. I want to remind them that I am praying for them and that it is possible to resist temptation that there are other ways to spend time with people of the opposite gender. That having integrity is not only for God and your family, but it is for yourself as well. Be Strong Girls! I love You!