I am also a bit discouraged with my future goals lately, for both internal and external reasons. I am cautiously testing the water before I jump in. Playing it safe is where I am comfortable, but there is a certain bit of discomfort with hesitation.
It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you are peeking around the edge with one eye closed.
It is hard to have the courage to jump in and run through the tunnel, when it seems like so many stones are blocking the entrance.
I know I have been called to serve the Lord by serving babies, children and mamas. I know that I will someday "catch" babies, return to an orphanage to work with the babies and young pregnant women that are living there, I know that someday I will attend a court hearing that will declare a child mine, I know that someday I will give back a child that is not "mine" to keep, I know that someday I will try to carry a child in my own womb.
I know that I am ok right now with where I am and with what I am doing. I know that the day to day is temporary and that I need to stop checking off the days as done and enjoy them more, because time moves so fast. In a blink of an eye 10 years pass. In 17 months I will have spent a quarter of a century earth-side. As someone once said, "Don't count the days, make the day's count" I am trying.