Ponderings...

The breeze at dawn has things to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.

Don't let your throat tighten
with fear. Take sips of breath
all day and night, before death
closes your mouth.

The morning wind spreads its fresh smell
We must get up and take that in,
that wind that lets us live.
Breathe before it's gone.

Dance, when you're broken open.
Dance, when you've torn the bandage off.
Dance in the middle of the fighting.
Dance in your blood
Dance, when you're perfectly free

~Rumi

Live fully...

Baby Picture Sunday

This week's theme is LOVE!

Daycare sweeties last year giving kisses, Nolan, Londyn and Miss Erica "CaCa"

The love of my life, my little sister Randee, shortly after she was placed with us as a relative placement. over 8 years ago. Thease are her "baby pictures" as we don't have any others. These are also the first pics where she doesn't look scared anymore.

Playing it safe is the most popular way to fail. - Elliott Smith

"Don't get comfortable. I am gonna move this mountain. Then, I'm gonna move you in"
~Brandon Heath

I mean it this time...
I am going to be brave...

No more hiding
No more chickening out

This is it and boy am I gonna have some stories to tell...
One brave, out of the box thing a day for the next month...
Pray for me...

Hi/Lo Thursday- Win $100

This post is part of "Hi/Lo Thursday" on the Riggs Family Blog. Check out their blog to read everyone else's "Hi/Lo" posts and for a chance to win $100.

Hi: I can see all the many big and small ways that the Lord is taking care of me. When something comes up, or i get stressed He always shows me the light at the end of the tunnel. I am really excited about a future babysitting job Sat-Tuesday in April with a four-year-old and one-year-old twins! and taking my little sister to Disney in March for my birthday!

Lo: Waking up early and paying bills! I have been having trouble sleeping and have been becoming quite restless in the morning hours (3-6am).

Not Me Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Here are all the things that I would not like to admit to doing this week.


I did not leave my dirty socks on the floor for several hours just because my roommate is not here (It's Winter Break) and feel slightly naughty about it.

I did not spend hours reading blogs that I should have spent on Homework, Not me!

I did not consistently feed crackers to a kid at daycare all afternoon to keep him from crying, not me, I know the fine art of distraction and would never stoop that low.

I did not buy a celebratory jar of Triple Chocolate Chunk Fudge Frosting due to the fact that I have a complete free day tomorrow.

I did not just tell a lie on my Not Me Monday post about having a complete free day tomorrow, when in actuality i do not have a baby-sitting interview with a new family, a research paper to write, and abut 100 pages of reading and responses to do tomorrow, not me!

I am not a bit excited about babysitting for a long weekend in April for 1 year-old twins and a 4-year-old. I am not already planning activities and crafts to do with them two months in advance. Why on earth would a 21 year-old college student want to feed, change, read, play, entertain, enrich, for 96 hours straight. ;)

I am not at all excited about snuggling on the couch with my RA and watching Disney movies tonight not me!

Ponderings...

I am in a strange season of life right now. I can see the ways I have grown, and the ways in which I still need to grow. Some areas are flowering and others need to be pruned back as they are withered.

I pray differently. I am past the Sunday School answers. I see the grays and am overwhelmed by the light that He shines in this dark world. I am studying harder. Listening better and shutting up more. I am learning to let go and move on, yet holding on tighter than ever to what I need to. My life depends on this ability to let go and hold on. I am old. My plans are loosening up and I nearly have the courage to commit.

I am still holding back from doing things I love, or think i might love. I still feel the pressure to do what i am "supposed" and to ignore the pull of my heart. To be truthful, it is safer to do what i am supposed to do. To keep telling myself i could never be brave enough to jump in head-on. I have gotten in this popular mindset that there must always be a plan -- a good plan. That you are better off being safe. I am tired of being safe, yet my soul trembles at the thought of the "unsafe".

I surprised myself today in being O.K. with news i received, that came as no surprise. I expected this and as God has proven time and time again I will be ready when the time comes.

That is quite a concept too, being ready when the time comes. We worry and groan about changes in the future, when it is inevitable... yet when it is time we are ready, deep down inside we are ready, whether we admit it or not.

Tomorrow are Tuesday's memorial "waggie rides"

Sweet Abby is in the hospital in pain, struggling to beat the cancer that is beating up her little body

And well, I don't know... Babies are not supposed to hurt or die, but when they do... is there ever a point in which you are ready?

Will there be a point when i say YES and do what my heart seems to want to do, even though it is scary? When will I be brave enough to say Yeah I am going to Doula training, Yeah I am going to midwife training in the Philippines, Yeah I am teaching a class of elementary kids, Yeah I have a date, and we are getting serious, Yeah I can be your shoulder to cry on, Yes, I am here for you no matter what, Yeah, if you need a place to stay come stay with me, it isn't much but we will be just fine. Will I be brave enough to let go when it is the final goodbye. When will i be brave enough to forgive. Will I be ever be brave enough to accept the deepest heartbreak if i am unable to have children?

These are my ponderings tonight as I lay my head down to rest...

But oh, how blessed I am, because greater is HE that is in me, mighty and strong, loving and just. I am cradled in His arms of unfailing love. For that I say Praise the Lord, Mahal kita Diyos, Maraming Salamat Po Diyos. Hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah.

This post is part of "Hi/Lo Thursday" on the Riggs Family Blog. Check our their blog to read everyone else's "Hi/Lo" posts.

Hi: Getting some medication that works! completing my paper! Spending time with my housemates, being loved by the King.

Lo: being sick, being broke, and paying bills yuck!

It's all Yours...

Take My Life (And Let It Be)

By Passion Worship Band

Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord, to thee.

Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise.

Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of thy love.

Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for thee.

Take my voice and let me sing always, only for my king.

Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from thee.

Take my silver and my gold not a might would I withhold.

Take my intellect and use every power as you choose.

Here am I, all of me.

Take my life, it's all for thee.

Take my will and make it Thine it shall be no longer mine.

Take my heart it is thine own; it shall be thy royal throne.

Take my love, my Lord I pour at your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be ever, only all for thee

Tuesday Fiona Whitt

October 11, 2006 - January 30, 2009

Serious Life Magazine!

I wanted you to know about this publication I’m a part of called Serious.Life Magazine. They just published the February issue today, and I am in their Featured Blog Directory. It’s a very high quality magazine… you’ll really like it.

The magazine includes a lot of great content from bloggers you’ll appreciate, as well as great features, photos and other content. The magazine is owned and published by a family who have seven kids, three adopted and one who has Leukemia (www.riggsfamilyblog.com). The magazine gives away a bunch of ads to charities and ministries. Besides great articles on interesting people, there is a lot about family, adoption, personal finance, spiritual life, humor… all sorts of “life” topics.

Again, the subscription is free, and I know you’ll enjoy the magazine, so take a minute to check it out and sign up to get future issues. www.seriouslifemagazine.com