Sometimes... (Goodbye bogie)

Sometimes a new life takes it's first breath in your hands and sometimes an old soul's final breath happens in your hands. Both moments are sacred, holy, beyond words. 

My heart is sad tonight for the loss of a friend who loved unconditionally, who saw the world through physically blind eyes but trusted and adapted with a gentle spirit. My heart is sad for his human who loved him and had to make a hard decision. My heart is grateful for a kind vet and a God that promises that we never leave his hands even if it hurts. Even if it sucks. Even if it's hard. <3 

Thank you Bogie, Rest in peace, you are loved. 

It's a _______ life!

Weird

Amazing

Terrifying

Joyfull

Full

Sleep deprived

Life giving

Blessed 

50

I have witnessed 50 babies enter the world and cry out using their wet lungs for the first time. 50 holy moments where heaven touched earth and families were made. And oh how my heart sings! 

The magnitude of this job is indescribable. The honor of entering into the sacred and being trusted to hold the space. Meconium and blood, vomit and bile, tears and waters.  I am so blessed.

Today as baby #50 inched her way past the perineum into my waiting hands,  The Boss' eyes met mine and we smiled. I remembered my first births, watching the senior apprentice and The Boss share that same look and smile, the knowing that the baby was coming, the excitement. I remember waiting for the day that it would be my turn. 

What a wild ride! Now as we count down births until The Boss heads off on a new adventure,  I am stuck in the bittersweet. I'm so proud of her and excited for her but am going to miss her. Like the song says "you're gonna miss this" I'm gonna miss sharing these sticky, sweaty, wet, tired, laughter, miracle filled days with her across the birth pool. 

What an adventure this life has turned out to be and so full of gifts each day. Powerful. Holy. Friendship. "The rabbi" may be leaving for a while but she has blessed me with a circle of friends I will forever thankful for (you know who you are and thank you for your friendship I am so lucky you guys have taken me into your circle) and will be leaving me "covered in her slime". (Backstory here http://courtneyblackwell.blogspot.com/2013/02/dust.html?m=1) 

Remembering

A year ago I remember going to work with a sound boom looming over my head, a producer and camera woman following me around, a mama working hard to meet her first baby, a mouse...

My first 4 handed catch. Posterior baby girl froggy jumped through my hands onto her mothers chest. I was grateful that more experienced hands were holding on too and the sound guy cried. 

That night is one of the gifts that I claim as I read One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. (For many reasons but It also gave me Jill)  

So much has changed, so much has grown, but one thing remains the same. I was born for this amazing, powerful, holy work, where heaven meets earth in a moment and much is entrusted into these hands. 

Update

I've really been slacking on the blog lately. It's nearly November! This summer was amazing! I ran in 3 races, rode a motorcycle, had my first solo catch, spent a week supporting a friend as she made a choice that changed everything, laughed, cried, kayaked in the fall colors, rode horses, lived. I'm equal parts excited and terrified about what the next coue months will hold. 

Ride

Zip up the jacket

Pull on the boots

Chin strap of helmet fastened securely 

The rumble as I take a seat and hold on

eyes closed tightly as we pull into traffic

Open your eyes I say to myself 

Feel and see what alive is

Trust and a bit of crazy rolled into one 

The wind through my hair 

The dopey smile plastered in my face. 

Sometimes it's not enough to mearly survive but to hold on tight and ride. 

Grateful....

Grateful For friendships deep and many God has placed in my life

For friends who 

share their stories

Their homes

Their babies

Their dogs

Their cars

Their books

Their hands

Their husbands when you lock your keys in your car for the hundredth time.

Their Knowledge

Their Ponies

Their sermons 

A cup of tea

A hug

Chocolate and rescue remedy 

For friends who push me harder than I think I can go

For friends willing to kick my butt 

To encourage

To inspire

To teach

For friends that are honest even when it hurts

For friends that share 

Their time

Their words

Their love 

Grateful that i have a God that knows exactly what he's doing even when I second guess, even when I stand trembling in fear, even when I fall.

Grateful for his agape love and blessings and promises especially when I struggle with accepting them. For mercy and grace and glimpses of "on earth as it is in heaven" 

June and July Gratitude.

Babies

Yoga

Sushi and Sake with the boss

Midwife classes

Walks
Brandy

Runs
clean eating
boot camp
community
words of affirmation
Quality time with friends
5 hour rain "dance"
glimpses of God's glory
God's mercy

Update

I'm happy. I just want to shout it from the rooftops. I'm busy and learning and growing and happy. Yes there is stress and pain and sadness, but there is overwhelming joy. 

Today after running (including a mile of running without stopping to walk! Take that ms. Haynes!) visiting my favorite little gray pony and candlelight yoga I went out for sushi (and hot sake) with a friend. 

This friend, and mentor, who told me a few months ago that I was a fly trapped in a jar, told me tonight that she is watching me grow and learn to put value to myself.

I brushed her words off on the outside, but internally they melted into my heart and I actually believed them this time. I am gaining confidence each day, living more, playing hard, praying, pushing, growing, and loving fiercer then ever before. 

There is a song that goes "words can build us up, words can bring us down, put a fire in our hearts or put it out" sometimes it's the words we speak to ourselves that drown out the words others are trying to get us to hear. 

There are days for sure, but lately joy is right around the corner. 

Stumble after you...

I really should know better. God always speaks in whispers and shouts when I need it most. 

This evening a friend of mine, who is an inspiration to my recent attempt at developing a running habit, encouraged me to suck it up and do 3 miles tomorrow. Ugh. Have I mentioned that, although I can't say I hate running anymore, it's still not my favorite. (I've moved to the strongly dislike phase. Progress!) so anyways I get in my car to head to work tonight, put the iPhone on shuffle and plug it it. 

This song below comes on, I melt. Once again to be refined by the fire of my creator. 

A few weeks ago I posted "I don't wanna" as my status. That same friend told me to go run. When I asked her how she knew that's what I was talking about she said "it's the only thing you consistently complain about" ouch... 

Ouch because although running makes me tired, makes me feel like I can't breathe, hurts my foot and fatigues my legs, takes up time, makes me all sweaty and gross and is disappointing because it takes me forever to complete my miles... I have a body that allows me to do it, a fat, slow and clumsy body, but a capable one.

 As the song played I thought about the veterans in wheelchairs in the memorial day parade today. 

I thought about every toddler I have ever witnessed learning take their first steps, their confidence and endurance, no matter how many times they fall. 

I thought about my buddies with CP, a little boy who lives to run when holding on to both of my hands propelling himself trusting his legs and my arms will keep him safe. A young girl who loved to swing , a 10 year old boy who crawled to me to hear a story. 

I thought about my Elianna who drs said would probably never walk,  who after years of work can walk, and play without the assistance of her walker. 

I thought about my "baby" Gabe with spina bifida, who worked so hard to take those first steps on legs that are hard for him to feel, and how a surgury that was for his best interest caused him to have to relearn how to stand.

Tomorrow's run is for them, no matter how slow, and yucky it is, no matter how much I stumble. Thank you God o ce again for drowning me in grace I don't deserve. 

Stumble After You

Would I smile if I was broken? Would I dance on crippled feet?

Would I fall too far behind again, or run a race I know I can’t complete?
Would I give if I had nothing, and could I love the ugly me?
Would I try so hard to be so strong, when I know that all I am is weak,
All I am is weak . . .

Would I clench my fist, fall down and scream at all I cannot do?
Or dry my eyes and crawl back to my feet,
And stumble after you.

Would I grin in my embarrassment, and would I laugh when the joke is me?
Could I look you in the eyes still, when my crippled legs are all that I can see,
All that I can see . . .

So take my hands if they won’t give, and take my life so I can lift you.
Take my eyes if they’re on me, please take my heart and make it bleed.
Take all this up to a hill and crucify the king of will
Till all I have runs down my face and I’m a wretch who’s drowning in your grace.

Summer 2013 Bucket list

Run the crim

Marquette

Fish

Lots of girl time

First Pedicure

Kayak or canoe

Ride a motorcycle 

Zoo

Holland 

Garden

Dance in the rain

Swim weekly

Beach

Outside daily

Trail ride 

Volunteer with golden ponies  

Spend time with friends 

Bon fires

Parades

Nature hikes

Kensington

Independence oaks

Get my LLC 

Have at least 1 doula client 

Births

Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

I was told by Jesus all was well
So all must be well

Just give me time
You know your desires and mine
So wrap my flesh in ivy and in twine
For I must be well

Keep the earth below my feet
For all my sweat, my blood runs weak
Let me learn from where I have been

Oh keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn
Oh keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

Who knew a Mumford and sons song could relate to midwifery? 

What a wild and amazing ride it's been since quitting my "day job". I am feeling more confident day by day and am starting to believe and claim the words of affermation those who support me have been saying all along: "you've got this" "good job". Today I cried tears of joy as i thought about the magnitude of the trust and confience others have in me. 

I'm getting better at running (even though I still hate it, I'm doing it). I landed a postpartum doula job ( it starts tomorrow since the babe was early, pray for me as this week was already super busy). I'm also working with another midwife as an assistant, playing hard, having lots of pony time, and trying new things. 

This plan is actually working! Who knew? :) 

Some people....

We've all head the quote, and variations of it.

Some people stay a season, 9 months, a year, a decade, a lifetime.

Some people wonder in and out.

Some people come back.

Others are only memories.



But we are never, ever the same

Update

It's your grace when we're human
It's your mercy when we're undeserving
It's your faith when we're faithless
It's your comfort when we're sad
You are still when we're restless
You are thunder when we're silent
You are calm when we rage
Your are peace when we are violent - Carry me


It's been a busy, scary, fun, happy, sad, life filled, emotional, month since I quit my "day job". I know I made the right choice but some days it's hard to shut the negative voice in my head up.

I may be crazy but I'm still trusting in that Romans 8:28 promise that "all things work together for good." And that he's carrying me and blessing me with more grace then I deserve.

Guilty pleasure

This girl may be 25, but when "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus comes on the radio I always turn it up. The lyrics hit home and I catch myself tearing up every time.



I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on




This mountain I'm climbing is tough, it can be scary and stressful and sleep depriving but its amazing and big and filled with miracles and i will never stop climbing...

(Now if only I felt this way about running lol)

Big News...

I recently took a big step out of my comfort zone.

I. Quit. Daycare.

This is kind of a big deal for me as I have been doing daycare forever. No really I grew up at this center and have taken care of hundreds of kids, that each hold a special place in my heart (yes, even the most precious ones, Jill) Daycare is comfortable, I know exactly what to do. I can change the diapers of a roomful of toddlers in minutes. I know the art of making a perfect temperature bottle. I can turn a room full of crabby kiddos into a room full of cooperative learners with a song and dance. I know daycare. I also knew that daycare would not be forever. I love children, I enjoy teaching, rocking, singing, and painting with the little ones. I love their hugs and smiles. I am blessed and very gratful that I was called to do daycare for a while, but when you hear the call to move, no matter how terrifying it is, you move.

I have been a Midwife's Aprentice for a year now, and am going to continue to do so while working towards my short and long term goals. I am taking my doula certification class in a couple months. I am doing part-time nanny work, and freelancing in the birth world. Placenta encapsulation anyone? :)


.

Out like a lamb.... HA

March was a crazy month! I probably can count the number of times I slept in my own bed on one hand, I've yet to sleep in my new apartment.

• Went to Great Wolf Lodge with the roomies
• Dog sat for "The Boss"
• Turned 25
• Gabe's Surgery
• Mama went to Flordia for my uncle's surgery
• Said hello and goodye to sweet baby S
• Dog sat for K.
• Moved
• Started a new job
• Babysat for a week while a friend of mine went to London

All with several Mamas due! Call me crazy lol

Reflections on birth

Random thoughts saved on my phone for the last few births.

******************************************

Squishy newborn head emerging from the birth canal

Rhythmic Pulsing if the umbilical cord

Strong kicks of newborn feet as I try to stretch him out to measure length

Reassuring thump thump when finding the sweet spot with the Doppler

Team

Reading my cues, knowing what to do

Laughter

**********************************************


Mama breathes her baby down
Music softly plays
Grandma sways
Dog stands guard
The aroma of herbal bath fills the room
Expectations
Waiting
Love

***********************************************

I look around the room and I see
Hands holding, comforting, supporting
I meet eyes knowing, trusting, longing
I feel the fear, pain, exhaustion
Love thick like chocolate pudding.

Where Will You Run...

By Your Side ~ Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days

Why are you trying to earn grace

Why are you crying

Let me lift up your face

Just don't turn away

I'll be honest, most of last week really sucked. Although, I am not sure if it was entirely last week's fault. Everything piled up and when that happens things get ugly. 

Why are you looking for love

Why are you still searching

As if I'm not enough

To where will you go child

Tell me where will you run

To where will you run

A sweet baby met Jesus before he knew his mother's touch, A toddler had a difficult surgery, My uncle had his cancer removed along with a significant portion of his chest wall.

'Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall

In the dead of night whenever you call

And please don't fight these hands that are holding you

My hands are holding you

I turned 25. I always get nostalgic on my birthday, I always feel let down by the year that has past, that i didn't do enough, I didn't love enough, that I wasn't enough.

Look at these hands at my side

They swallowed the grave on that night

When I drank the world's sin

So I could carry you in

And give you life

I want to give you life

Angry, bitter, selfish, sad....afraid. Fear makes us do crazy things. 

And I'll be by your side wherever you fall

In the dead of night whenever you call

And please don't fight these hands that are holding you

My hands are holding you

I made a decision that removes my stability, takes me out of my comfort zone, terrifies me, but removes me from a place that is not good for me.

Here at my side wherever you fall

In the dead of night whenever you call

And please don't fight these hands that are holding you

My hands are holding you

Guilt chanting in my ear. Pushing away. Hiding.

'Cause I, I love you

I want you to know

That I, yeah I'll love you

I'll never let you go, no, no

Brokenness. The bittersweet. 

And I'll be by your side wherever you fall

In the dead of night whenever you call

And please don't fight these hands that are holding you

My hands are holding you

Talking it through, being lifted in prayer, walking the dog in the sunshine, sweet baby snuggles, hugs, words. Hope

Here at my side wherever you fall

In the dead of night whenever you call

And please don't fight these hands that are holding you

My hands are holding you

Here at my side, my hands are holding you

Ohhh...

25

I may have just given myself the best birthday present ever... Stay tuned.

24

I always get a bit contemplative and melancholy this time of year. Maybe because of the weather, maybe the memories, maybe the importance I place on the changes, regardless it's march. In a few hours I will turn 25. A quarter of a century, old as dirt.

24 was filled with new, new job, new home, "new" car, new church, and many new lives. (24 babies have been born at home in fact, bringing the grand total to 29/31)

I am searching
I am waiting
I am doing
I am listening
I am grateful.

One year...

On this day in 2012. I was invited into the home of someone i had never met, into the sacred, to sit quietly and chart, to scrub out a tub, and so began my journey as a midwife's apprentice.

This journey that I've been on this past year has brought a lot of new little ones, most I only see for a short time, some I don't ever hold, some I catch, and some I have had the privilege to watch grow on Facebook, all of them have changed me...

Each day in the office, each kick and flutter. Every strong mama that has walked through the door has taught me to be patient, to listen.

The midnight wake up calls, the slippery drives, the hurry, have taught me to make choices.

The stillness, the sirens, the calls, the quick, have taught me to be organized, respond, and trust.

The primal scream, the newborn cry, the laughter have taught me joy.

The bathroom, the bedroom, the kitchen, the couch, have taught me flexibility.

The colleagues, the doulas, the students, the midwives have taught me the lingo, shown me the way and given me a sisterhood.

This journey is a gift that Words can only brush the surface to describe.

Powerful.

Love.

Miracles.




I am grateful.

Lions...

March comes in like a lion...

It's roaring, snarling, prowling.
Bringing things like stress and cancer and moving and work and play and busy and missing loved ones and aging and memories.

But I will try to focus on March going out like a lamb, the lamb who laid down his life for me and holds me still. Shalom.

Dust...

At church tonight we had a wonderful guest preacher. he spoke on the well known story about Jesus telling the fishermen to put down their nets and follow him. He told us that in jewish culture, boys attended hebrew school in levels. 1st they memorized the torah, if they did well they went on to memorize the rest of scripture and finally those who were successful were sent out into the community to find a rabbi who would disciple them. The rest were sent home to learn the family trade. The "b team" if you will.

What was really intriguing to me was that the young men who were chosen to learn from the rabbi followed so closely that they were said to be covered in the dust if the rabbi. It became a complement, a sign of commitment and zeal. In order to learn how to be a rabbi the students would practically cling to his robes, their goal was glean as much knowledge as they could from him.

The sermon got me thinking so I did some reading this evening on the saying "may you be covered in the dust of your rabbi" .

I had always heard rabbi translated as teacher, one article I read stated that, "These teachers were called “sages” before 70 AD (hakamim, or “the wise”). After that the title “rabbi” began to be used."

Sages...Hold up... Did you know that another word for midwife is sage-femme?

Hang with me on this for a minute.

Midwifery is a skill best learned by the apprenticeship model, watching, and eventually doing along side someone (or many someones) who has experience. A teacher, a sage-femme, a wise mentor.

Let's connect this back to the story of the fishermen. Jesus was always hanging out with the outcasts of society, so it doesn't come as a surprise that he called out to the fishermen, the ones who didn't make the cut back in Hebrew school. Even though i know i have been called to be a midwife, and can't imagine doing anything else, I know I am not the greatest student. I make a ton of mistakes, I am quiet, I tend to step back because I am afraid of messing up. I am so blessed to have been welcomed into the practice of a wise and caring midwife that keeps me around despite my shortcomings. I am the "b team" chosen from right field and for that I am grateful.

This lenten season, as I add and subtract things from my life, in order to serve the Lord and live deeper into my calling. I can only hope that someday, someone will be able to say to me, that I am covered by the dust of my rabbi, in midwifery yes, but even more so I want to be covered in the dust of my Rabbi; My savior, creator of unique community, the one who loves me more than I will ever imagine.


(For more information check out: http://offqueue.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/dust_rabbi.pdf and http://ourrabbijesus.com/2012/01/27/covered-in-the-dust-of-your-rabbi-an-urban-legend/ )

Labor support

Love, like

Angels singing is

Breaking through.

Our hands supporting, waiting

Reaching out

Safely
Understanding
Praying
Protecting
Open
Respecting
The power of birth

Full circle...

Some of my favorite moments in life have been times when I was able to "come full-circle" today was one of them.

In December of 2009, I attended my very first home birth. Wendy called around 9pm asking if I was interested in going with her as "2nd on" since one of her assistants was unavailable. "2nd on" is essentially responsible for setting up, running for things as a go-for, charting and the glorious task of clean up. I agreed and spent the next few hours giddy at being on-call. It seemed like forever until I finally got the go ahead to drive to the birth.
I shadowed Wendy while she assessed the mama's progress until "1st on" arrived I instantly loved D. Funny and kind and about 9 months pregnant she along with kristin, (another assistant, now midwife, who was able to come later on due to the birth taking 18 hours) was the one who showed me the ropes on how to set up for a birth, keep things organized, clean out the tub and keep things running smoothly for the boss.
We waited all night with little progress, until 8am when things began picking up and a Tiny Baby Boy entered this world blue as a smurf, cord wrapped around his neck and torso. He cried and quickly pinked up. It was amazing and I was hooked!
But, I digress....
D had her baby a few weeks later, a girl and I rejoiced seeing the photos.
After I joined the practice officially in 2012 I was surprised and excited to see that D was expecting again. I looked forward to her prenatal appointments and was excited for her birth.

Today a valentine baby was born :) and oh how my heart sings.

She was born into her 8 year old sister's hands and welcomed into the world by many more loving siblings. I fell even more in love with this family throughout the labor. (There are some great stories I will have to share another time. ) Welcome sweet baby.

Eyes

Their eyes, it's always the eyes I see in my mind's eye when I try to sleep at night. 20 years of sweet baby coos and grunts and cries, the toddler belly laughs and tantrums, singing preschoolers and crazy wild school age kids. I never thought i would say this; I can't remember all their names anymore, but each of those precious lives have changed me. I may forget names, but I always will Carry a piece of them in my memory.

Already there

"From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan"- already there, casting crowns

Today at bible study we discussed rejection and how it deeply wounds, the part that stuck out to me was how sometimes we are rejected for a reason. God is perfect love, but sometimes God allows for rejection in order to give us a clear "no" by shutting the door and how important It is to stand firm and trust while waiting in the hallway.

My time as a pre-education major is a prime example. When I had taken the first tier of classes it was time to declare i applied for the education program and was rejected, I appealed the decision, and was again rejected, I sat down with the head of the department and after our discussion rejected my appeals. Praise The Lord. At the time the rejection hurt, but as I look back I am grateful. I graduated with a different major and had more opportunities to take classes that helped me to grow and heal. I still don't know what God's doing with all this, but I am grateful for his picture perfect plan.

These things I pray- Dan Evans

May all midnight skies be crowded with stars
May there be angels riding on the hood of your car
May there be peace in your house and a room with a view

These things I pray for you

May inspiration fall like rain on your shoulders
And all the mountains that you face
May you find a way over
May the ground always be sacred
Beneath the soles of your shoes

May your perfect world be all the you imagined
So you could feel the freedom that gives you your passion
May your faith in human kindness be always renewed

These things I pray for you

All I ever want for you
Is everything you want
And everything you want you get
If you keep dreaming on
I pray that
You'll never forget the truth
You know inside your heart
You remember just how loved you are

Words

It's crazy how a kind word can bring you right back to that HS freshman longing for approval. Tonight I am grateful for my teachers, who still encourage this nearly 25 year old.

Pondering

You are like a fly trapped in a jar who doesn't realize that someone has taken the lid off...

10 months

I really really love what I do. I feel so blessed and unworthy to be a part of huge moments in people's lives.

Witnessing babies experience the world for the first time, holding space for families to meet. Hugging grandmothers and comforting aunts who nervously wait. "Everything is fine" "this is normal"

Being a part of something big.

Being a part of a community, of a team.

Laughing while packing up at the events forever caught on tape, or in delirium at 24 hour diners in the wee hours of the morning, at Cavewomen and what the cat drug in.

Communicating in silent glances exchanged across a birth pool, remembering to breathe and "feel my feet on the floor" during hairy situations.

Hands that are learning what to do

Head that is learning what to remember

Heart that is opening wider each day

Grateful

Remember... And give thanks

Shivering in wet clothes, I'm wrapped in warm towels and love. Newly born into a faith so much bigger than my 12 year old self could ever imagine, beginning a journey that would lead me here...

Some of my readers may be familiar with my faith journey, the dusty gravel roads, the paved highways, and trail-less forests that I have traveled to get me closer to the one who spoke light in the darkness and came as a baby to ransom my soul. Some may be familiar with the story of how I went from Nazarene to social brethren to free will baptist to reformed to independent to United Methodist to follower of Christ. For those that aren't and are interested lets go out for chai lattes :)

Today at church I took part in something I never have before, at communion time the pastor invited us up to the baptismal fount to remember our baptism. As she dipped her finger into the water and made a drippy cross on my forehead, she said "remember your baptism and be thankful"

I was instantly flooded with memories.

A baptism of birth fluids as I co-caught my first baby, and the inevitable baptism that occurs during water births

A baptism of confidence from those who believe in me despite my fears

A soft spoken pastor who baptized me in prayer back in college when all hope seemed lost "you are a child of hope" he said as he made a cross on my forehead, embracing me, telling me I belonged.

A baptism of tears at a final goodbye, soaking my shoulder, penetrating into my heart.

A baptism of words spoken by a wise future reverend in the middle of a crowded cafeteria

The icy water baptism by the first person I ever called pastor. Plugging my nose and stepping into the pool after my mother and cousins. "In the name of the father, son and Holy Spirit"

My first "baptism" when Jesus came into the heart of a shy 7 year old at VBS.

Today I left church, shivering in remembrance of the waters, words, prayers, and paths that have lead me here.

Today I realize I am like the squalling newborn, surprised by the incomparable blessings poured out over my head and the wild and rocky journey placed in front of my feet.

I remember... And I am thankful

Booksneeze review: "Call of a Coward"

"Call of a Coward" is a memoir by Marcia Moston depicting a time in her life full of uncertainty as she followed her husband into the mission field.

This book interested me, not only because it takes place in Guatemala, a place near and dear to my heart, but the title itself grabbed me. Call of a Coward. I feel like all of us are called to do things that terrify us sometimes, but those things will ultimately be life giving and filled with lessons and blessings.

This is a great book for those who long for the taste of pollo campero, have spent time in the foreign mission field, have felt a call on their life and the terror that goes with it, Marcia Moston is funny, honest, and one of the bravest cowards I know.







Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

2013 goals

1. Be a better student midwife
2. Finish my 3rd novel
3. Turn 25
4. Lose it
5. Dance with somebody
6. Ride more
7. Doula training
8. Car fixed
9. Photo a day
10. More: play, service, attention
11. Finish website... Maybe start my llc
12. Travel: DC, Marquette, Holland
13. Write a children's book