Saturday, December 31, 2011


Whoa… that pretty much sums up this year.


It has been a whirlwind. January of 2011 I was in total panic mode. I entered my last semester of college and needed a plan. I was taking a couple challenging courses and was concerned about passing them. (I took a few really fun classes too!) I had to figure out what came next. Where would I work? Where would I live?

Needless to say, I graduated, found a place to work, and signed a lease on an apartment. I discovered new places and explored my new city. I worked two different jobs and met new people. I missed my friends that are now all spread from coast to coast and all over the world. I missed my community at Hope… yet I have stayed connected and will continue to hold tight to our ever evolving relationships as we figure out this grown-up stuff.

Comically, (sort of) I am beginning 2012 in the same boat. Where will I work? Where will I live? As I pack up my life once more and move across the state. This time feels different though. I will be doing something I love and I have experience starting over. the boat is still a bit wobbly though as it leaves the shore. This sailor hates not knowing what lies ahead. I long for BIG changes and fear both those changes and the idea that a year from now nothing will have changed.

Now for the year in review:


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Tuesday, December 13, 2011


In this time of Advent, I play one of my favorite Christmas songs and think of all the babies that have changed everything in my life;

The foster babies

(Ciara, Cordelia, Devontae, Kiara, Alyah, Kuran, Brandon)

 The 7

The hundreds of children I have held from daycare and babysitting

Guatemala babies


Miracle babies 

The babies that never made it earthside

I think of the babies of the future that will pass from my hands into their mother's as they take their first breath

I think of the babies that will someday be mine, the ones I will carry in my womb and in my heart

I think of that baby, born in a stable, wrapped in cloths, whose birth was attended by the angels.

I am reminded, that my God knows exactly what makes me tick, how to get my attention, how to teach me, how to remind me I am loved. 

A baby changes everything...

Sunday, November 20, 2011

If I was Debt Free

I am trying to win “the $500 Enemy of Debt competition, sponsored by Life Insurance Finder the life insurance comparison experts”

If I was debt free I would
Return to the Philippines

 Return to Guatemala
Finish midwife training

Friday, November 11, 2011

Bucket List...

This is my entry in the Just Ask Bucket List Getaway Giveaway. Just Ask offers a breast and ovarian cancer screening and is encouraging people to share 15 things that I want to enjoy in my lifetime as a reminder to be aware of my health. Want to enter? Head over to to get the details. 

  1. Become a midwife
  2. Become a mother 
  3. Be a foster/Adoptive parent
  4. Return to the Philippines 
  5. Return to Guatemala
  6. Give back more than I recieve
  7. Dance in the rain with my family
  8. Harry Potter World (enough said!)
  9. Buy a bookshelf (to get my 19 boxes of books up and out of the closet!) 
  10. Swim in Lake Superior 
  11. Sit on top of a mountain
  12. Get novel published
  13. Write a children's book
  14. Visit a new place
  15. Get Healthy

Tuesday, November 08, 2011


Day Bath

Last night I walked him back and forth,
his small head heavy against my chest,
round eyes watching me in the dark,
his body a sandbag in my arms.
I longed for sleep but couldn't bear his crying
so bore him back and forth until the sun rose
and he slept. Now the doors are open,
noon sunlight coming in,
and I can see fuchsias opening.
Now we bathe. I hold him, the soap
makes our skins glide past each other.
I lay him wet on my thighs, his head on my knees,
his feet dancing against my chest,
and I rinse him, pouring water
from my cupped hand.
No matter how I feel, he's the same,
eyes expectant, mouth ready,
with his fat legs and arms,
his belly, his small solid back.
Last night I wanted nothing more
than to get him out of my arms.
Today he fits neatly
along the hollow my thighs make,
and with his fragrant skin against mine
I feel brash, like a sunflower.

~Debra Spencer from Pomegranate

Saturday, October 15, 2011

good words...

On the day when
the weight deadens
on your shoulders
and you stumble,
may the clay dance
to balance you.
And when your eyes
freeze behind
the grey window
and the ghost of loss
gets in to you,
may a flock of colours,
indigo, red, green,
and azure blue
come to awaken in you
a meadow of delight.

When the canvas frays
in the currach of thought
and a stain of ocean
blackens beneath you,
may there come across the waters
a path of yellow moonlight
to bring you safely home.

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
may the clarity of light be yours,
may the fluency of the ocean be yours,
may the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow
wind work these words
of love around you,
an invisible cloak
to mind your life.
beannacht - john o'donohue

Sunday, October 09, 2011

On trying to become a midwife...

Last weekend I was blessed to be able to attend a midwife skills class hosted by a local midwife. I learned so much and had a great time. It is nice to be with people who see the birth process as normal and not have to defend myself or my ideas on it.

We studied and practiced injections, blood draws, IV's, exams, and suturing. I am really looking forward to the next one in a couple of weeks hosted by Michigan Midwife's Association (MMA).

This is me getting Sterile Water Papules... They are used for back pain in labor (posterior babies), it is water injected in the skin (like a TB test) but since it is not PH balanced with the body it stings! (I did really well with the ones I gave to another woman in the class) :)

11 months!


  • D cruises and stands independently!
  • M has begun army crawling (when he has the right motivation), and claps!
  • W is crawling on hands and knees.


off to timbucktoo!

Monday, September 26, 2011


Ask me what peace is and I will tell you
Peace is the Steady Beat hiding behind the whooshing sounds 
Peace is Faith beyond what the tests reveal
Peace is found in prayers full of tears 
Peace is the sound of that first squealing cry
Peace is in healing and heading home
Peace is Hope at each small twitch of little feet
Peace is the feeling of you in my arms for the first time
Peace is that sweet baby smell I can never seem to get enough of
Peace is the power of seeing you stand
Peace is the blessing of watching you grow
Peace is what I feel holding you tonight, 
one year later
Peace is a toddler who rests deeply
unaware of the tears that glisten in sun-bleached hair
who still (barely) fits in my lap.
Happy Birthday Buddy!