Tuesday, January 22, 2013


You are like a fly trapped in a jar who doesn't realize that someone has taken the lid off...

10 months

I really really love what I do. I feel so blessed and unworthy to be a part of huge moments in people's lives.

Witnessing babies experience the world for the first time, holding space for families to meet. Hugging grandmothers and comforting aunts who nervously wait. "Everything is fine" "this is normal"

Being a part of something big.

Being a part of a community, of a team.

Laughing while packing up at the events forever caught on tape, or in delirium at 24 hour diners in the wee hours of the morning, at Cavewomen and what the cat drug in.

Communicating in silent glances exchanged across a birth pool, remembering to breathe and "feel my feet on the floor" during hairy situations.

Hands that are learning what to do

Head that is learning what to remember

Heart that is opening wider each day


Sunday, January 06, 2013

Remember... And give thanks

Shivering in wet clothes, I'm wrapped in warm towels and love. Newly born into a faith so much bigger than my 12 year old self could ever imagine, beginning a journey that would lead me here...

Some of my readers may be familiar with my faith journey, the dusty gravel roads, the paved highways, and trail-less forests that I have traveled to get me closer to the one who spoke light in the darkness and came as a baby to ransom my soul. Some may be familiar with the story of how I went from Nazarene to social brethren to free will baptist to reformed to independent to United Methodist to follower of Christ. For those that aren't and are interested lets go out for chai lattes :)

Today at church I took part in something I never have before, at communion time the pastor invited us up to the baptismal fount to remember our baptism. As she dipped her finger into the water and made a drippy cross on my forehead, she said "remember your baptism and be thankful"

I was instantly flooded with memories.

A baptism of birth fluids as I co-caught my first baby, and the inevitable baptism that occurs during water births

A baptism of confidence from those who believe in me despite my fears

A soft spoken pastor who baptized me in prayer back in college when all hope seemed lost "you are a child of hope" he said as he made a cross on my forehead, embracing me, telling me I belonged.

A baptism of tears at a final goodbye, soaking my shoulder, penetrating into my heart.

A baptism of words spoken by a wise future reverend in the middle of a crowded cafeteria

The icy water baptism by the first person I ever called pastor. Plugging my nose and stepping into the pool after my mother and cousins. "In the name of the father, son and Holy Spirit"

My first "baptism" when Jesus came into the heart of a shy 7 year old at VBS.

Today I left church, shivering in remembrance of the waters, words, prayers, and paths that have lead me here.

Today I realize I am like the squalling newborn, surprised by the incomparable blessings poured out over my head and the wild and rocky journey placed in front of my feet.

I remember... And I am thankful

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

Booksneeze review: "Call of a Coward"

"Call of a Coward" is a memoir by Marcia Moston depicting a time in her life full of uncertainty as she followed her husband into the mission field.

This book interested me, not only because it takes place in Guatemala, a place near and dear to my heart, but the title itself grabbed me. Call of a Coward. I feel like all of us are called to do things that terrify us sometimes, but those things will ultimately be life giving and filled with lessons and blessings.

This is a great book for those who long for the taste of pollo campero, have spent time in the foreign mission field, have felt a call on their life and the terror that goes with it, Marcia Moston is funny, honest, and one of the bravest cowards I know.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

2013 goals

1. Be a better student midwife
2. Finish my 3rd novel
3. Turn 25
4. Lose it
5. Dance with somebody
6. Ride more
7. Doula training
8. Car fixed
9. Photo a day
10. More: play, service, attention
11. Finish website... Maybe start my llc
12. Travel: DC, Marquette, Holland
13. Write a children's book