Dust...

At church tonight we had a wonderful guest preacher. he spoke on the well known story about Jesus telling the fishermen to put down their nets and follow him. He told us that in jewish culture, boys attended hebrew school in levels. 1st they memorized the torah, if they did well they went on to memorize the rest of scripture and finally those who were successful were sent out into the community to find a rabbi who would disciple them. The rest were sent home to learn the family trade. The "b team" if you will.

What was really intriguing to me was that the young men who were chosen to learn from the rabbi followed so closely that they were said to be covered in the dust if the rabbi. It became a complement, a sign of commitment and zeal. In order to learn how to be a rabbi the students would practically cling to his robes, their goal was glean as much knowledge as they could from him.

The sermon got me thinking so I did some reading this evening on the saying "may you be covered in the dust of your rabbi" .

I had always heard rabbi translated as teacher, one article I read stated that, "These teachers were called “sages” before 70 AD (hakamim, or “the wise”). After that the title “rabbi” began to be used."

Sages...Hold up... Did you know that another word for midwife is sage-femme?

Hang with me on this for a minute.

Midwifery is a skill best learned by the apprenticeship model, watching, and eventually doing along side someone (or many someones) who has experience. A teacher, a sage-femme, a wise mentor.

Let's connect this back to the story of the fishermen. Jesus was always hanging out with the outcasts of society, so it doesn't come as a surprise that he called out to the fishermen, the ones who didn't make the cut back in Hebrew school. Even though i know i have been called to be a midwife, and can't imagine doing anything else, I know I am not the greatest student. I make a ton of mistakes, I am quiet, I tend to step back because I am afraid of messing up. I am so blessed to have been welcomed into the practice of a wise and caring midwife that keeps me around despite my shortcomings. I am the "b team" chosen from right field and for that I am grateful.

This lenten season, as I add and subtract things from my life, in order to serve the Lord and live deeper into my calling. I can only hope that someday, someone will be able to say to me, that I am covered by the dust of my rabbi, in midwifery yes, but even more so I want to be covered in the dust of my Rabbi; My savior, creator of unique community, the one who loves me more than I will ever imagine.


(For more information check out: http://offqueue.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/dust_rabbi.pdf and http://ourrabbijesus.com/2012/01/27/covered-in-the-dust-of-your-rabbi-an-urban-legend/ )

Labor support

Love, like

Angels singing is

Breaking through.

Our hands supporting, waiting

Reaching out

Safely
Understanding
Praying
Protecting
Open
Respecting
The power of birth

Full circle...

Some of my favorite moments in life have been times when I was able to "come full-circle" today was one of them.

In December of 2009, I attended my very first home birth. Wendy called around 9pm asking if I was interested in going with her as "2nd on" since one of her assistants was unavailable. "2nd on" is essentially responsible for setting up, running for things as a go-for, charting and the glorious task of clean up. I agreed and spent the next few hours giddy at being on-call. It seemed like forever until I finally got the go ahead to drive to the birth.
I shadowed Wendy while she assessed the mama's progress until "1st on" arrived I instantly loved D. Funny and kind and about 9 months pregnant she along with kristin, (another assistant, now midwife, who was able to come later on due to the birth taking 18 hours) was the one who showed me the ropes on how to set up for a birth, keep things organized, clean out the tub and keep things running smoothly for the boss.
We waited all night with little progress, until 8am when things began picking up and a Tiny Baby Boy entered this world blue as a smurf, cord wrapped around his neck and torso. He cried and quickly pinked up. It was amazing and I was hooked!
But, I digress....
D had her baby a few weeks later, a girl and I rejoiced seeing the photos.
After I joined the practice officially in 2012 I was surprised and excited to see that D was expecting again. I looked forward to her prenatal appointments and was excited for her birth.

Today a valentine baby was born :) and oh how my heart sings.

She was born into her 8 year old sister's hands and welcomed into the world by many more loving siblings. I fell even more in love with this family throughout the labor. (There are some great stories I will have to share another time. ) Welcome sweet baby.

Eyes

Their eyes, it's always the eyes I see in my mind's eye when I try to sleep at night. 20 years of sweet baby coos and grunts and cries, the toddler belly laughs and tantrums, singing preschoolers and crazy wild school age kids. I never thought i would say this; I can't remember all their names anymore, but each of those precious lives have changed me. I may forget names, but I always will Carry a piece of them in my memory.

Already there

"From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan"- already there, casting crowns

Today at bible study we discussed rejection and how it deeply wounds, the part that stuck out to me was how sometimes we are rejected for a reason. God is perfect love, but sometimes God allows for rejection in order to give us a clear "no" by shutting the door and how important It is to stand firm and trust while waiting in the hallway.

My time as a pre-education major is a prime example. When I had taken the first tier of classes it was time to declare i applied for the education program and was rejected, I appealed the decision, and was again rejected, I sat down with the head of the department and after our discussion rejected my appeals. Praise The Lord. At the time the rejection hurt, but as I look back I am grateful. I graduated with a different major and had more opportunities to take classes that helped me to grow and heal. I still don't know what God's doing with all this, but I am grateful for his picture perfect plan.

These things I pray- Dan Evans

May all midnight skies be crowded with stars
May there be angels riding on the hood of your car
May there be peace in your house and a room with a view

These things I pray for you

May inspiration fall like rain on your shoulders
And all the mountains that you face
May you find a way over
May the ground always be sacred
Beneath the soles of your shoes

May your perfect world be all the you imagined
So you could feel the freedom that gives you your passion
May your faith in human kindness be always renewed

These things I pray for you

All I ever want for you
Is everything you want
And everything you want you get
If you keep dreaming on
I pray that
You'll never forget the truth
You know inside your heart
You remember just how loved you are

Words

It's crazy how a kind word can bring you right back to that HS freshman longing for approval. Tonight I am grateful for my teachers, who still encourage this nearly 25 year old.

Pondering

You are like a fly trapped in a jar who doesn't realize that someone has taken the lid off...

10 months

I really really love what I do. I feel so blessed and unworthy to be a part of huge moments in people's lives.

Witnessing babies experience the world for the first time, holding space for families to meet. Hugging grandmothers and comforting aunts who nervously wait. "Everything is fine" "this is normal"

Being a part of something big.

Being a part of a community, of a team.

Laughing while packing up at the events forever caught on tape, or in delirium at 24 hour diners in the wee hours of the morning, at Cavewomen and what the cat drug in.

Communicating in silent glances exchanged across a birth pool, remembering to breathe and "feel my feet on the floor" during hairy situations.

Hands that are learning what to do

Head that is learning what to remember

Heart that is opening wider each day

Grateful

Remember... And give thanks

Shivering in wet clothes, I'm wrapped in warm towels and love. Newly born into a faith so much bigger than my 12 year old self could ever imagine, beginning a journey that would lead me here...

Some of my readers may be familiar with my faith journey, the dusty gravel roads, the paved highways, and trail-less forests that I have traveled to get me closer to the one who spoke light in the darkness and came as a baby to ransom my soul. Some may be familiar with the story of how I went from Nazarene to social brethren to free will baptist to reformed to independent to United Methodist to follower of Christ. For those that aren't and are interested lets go out for chai lattes :)

Today at church I took part in something I never have before, at communion time the pastor invited us up to the baptismal fount to remember our baptism. As she dipped her finger into the water and made a drippy cross on my forehead, she said "remember your baptism and be thankful"

I was instantly flooded with memories.

A baptism of birth fluids as I co-caught my first baby, and the inevitable baptism that occurs during water births

A baptism of confidence from those who believe in me despite my fears

A soft spoken pastor who baptized me in prayer back in college when all hope seemed lost "you are a child of hope" he said as he made a cross on my forehead, embracing me, telling me I belonged.

A baptism of tears at a final goodbye, soaking my shoulder, penetrating into my heart.

A baptism of words spoken by a wise future reverend in the middle of a crowded cafeteria

The icy water baptism by the first person I ever called pastor. Plugging my nose and stepping into the pool after my mother and cousins. "In the name of the father, son and Holy Spirit"

My first "baptism" when Jesus came into the heart of a shy 7 year old at VBS.

Today I left church, shivering in remembrance of the waters, words, prayers, and paths that have lead me here.

Today I realize I am like the squalling newborn, surprised by the incomparable blessings poured out over my head and the wild and rocky journey placed in front of my feet.

I remember... And I am thankful